I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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