The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize