All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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