Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize