So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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