alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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