There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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