I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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