I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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