He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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