Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize