We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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