Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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