Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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