I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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