I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize