Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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