It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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