1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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