Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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