When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize