I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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