Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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