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my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
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