is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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