Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do vagina's smell?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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