Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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