think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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