How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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