Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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