nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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