Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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