This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sorry my hands just texted you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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