She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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