My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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