We won't sleep together?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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