Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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