I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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