He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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