my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize