Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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