Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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