I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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