just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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