I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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