omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize