Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I want is dick and wine.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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