no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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