'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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