put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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